Well, that's an understatement of the year! Anyone who knew me well enough would know that I am deaf.
On my right ear, to be exact. Thanks to the old days when there was no MMR immunisation, and when it was thought to be ok for children to get 'childhood illnesses'. I had mumps, a contagious disease (courtersy of one of my classmates) that made my glands behind my ears swell up, and I looked like a bull dog.
Now now, be nice, I know I look like that permanently now, but not back then ok?! Anyway, the mumps virus attacked my right side, then my left side, then for some strange reasons, attacked my right side again, this time, destroying the hair follicles in the inner ear which, in lay man terms, were supposed to whoosh and vibrate the sound received and send the signals up to the brain, telling the brain what message was received.
So, after the illness, we didn't think of going back to the doctor's. The fever subsided, the swelling went down, off i went to school. This is the strange part.
I didn't know I went deaf.
You see, I could and still can hear. With my left ear that is. So I didn't realise something was amiss until quite sometime later. I thought it was water in the ear after swimming lessons, or that, as most adults accused us of, that we were imagining things.
It's amazing how quickly children adapt though. I had become used to answering the phone on my left ear and turning to sleep on my left side if it was too noisy.
When I finally told my parents, only dad believed me. Not mom. She thought I was seeking attention. We went to a 'specialist' who ended up dishing out vitamin pills and she had to pay through the nose for it too... So yeah, guess mom was rather mad at me.
After that, I didn't talk about it anymore. I just accepted that I have one ear, so I can hear. Technically, I am not deaf.
I learnt to adapt quickly, knowing that noisy environment affects the hearing more. I turn to look at the person on my right when we talk, not so much to lip read, as to turn my ears towards the source of the sound.
I became a good 'listener'. Haha! Since I cannot hold simultaneous conversations, people find a friend who is totally interested in what they are saying. (I am generally, honest!)
When I was studying in UK, the environment is so quiet that I was able to pick up the faintest sound. During my 'A's, I was listening to low volume music one evening when I heard a soft, faint 'meow'. I kid you not. Another 'meow' came as i cut the music and ran 3 storeys down our old mansion-like boarding house, rushed into the drawing room and informed the house mistress that her cat was meowing outside. She was just sitting next to the window where the poor cat was.
In the summer I used to wake up at the sound of squirrels and rabbits coming out for their morning food at about 6 am.
Perhaps this would explain why no one believed I was deaf.
My deafness was confirmed finally as I needed a medical for my training as a registered nurse. The doctor at King's College London told me that he had good news and bad news for me. The good news is that I am not imagining things. The bad news? Yes I am profoundly deaf in my right ear. Gee whizz, I could've told him that!
I managed to go through my training, excelled in midwifery by being able to hear fetus' heart beats and basically have a pretty normal life.
I act, teach and even sing. By and large, I do lead a pretty normal life, except that stereos are lost on me, who will forever stay mono.
But as age is catching up, I realised that my hearing is going. My girls now help to speak to the person who has been trying to get my attention on my right side. Or they would call me to get my attention. Sometimes I have a blank look that offends newer friends as they thought I was a snob, when it was because I didn't hear their talking to me. These misunderstandings are usually cleared when they realised I didn't hear them.
Any ear infections however, makes my now slowly deteriorating hearing even worse.
So this time, this ear infection that I am having now has affected my hearing quite badly, so badly that I actually feel and experience for the first time proper, what it's like to actually be deaf.
When do you stop loving someone? When do you hurt so much that you say "enough is enough"? Or perhaps you don't say that and cope on your own. What is unconditional love?
I think I have to put a disclaimer here.... I am talking about relationships that by and large are 'normal' in the conventional sense of the word.
If you are in an abusive, physical and emotional tormenting relationship, I have one thing to say to you -
"GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!!!"
You can still love that person at a distance, without getting yourself killed, or pushed over the edge or killing that person He / she is not worth Your death penalty.
OK, that done let me get back to my question
When do you stop loving someone?
The parent who never stops criticising you despite your achievements; The child who tests your authority, or does the opposite of everything you teach and stand for; The spouse who cheats on you...
When things happen, and situations occur, You can get so hurt so angry so frustrated
Perhaps the first thing you might say is "Not again! When will this end?!"
You might wonder if you have the strength to carry on loving, caring and sooth over the wounds.
But you do.
You cry, you might rant and rave, might even scream and shout and tell the person what an idiot he or she is
But you never stop loving You give another chance, Try other means to help steer your loved ones back on track Support them every small tiny step of the way
a lover, a spouse, a child.
Knowing that Just round the corner, they may yet again fall...
I remind myself that when they fall, They are the ones who get hurt although I too, feel the hurt, the anguish, the pain
If, as in my case, my spouse did leave and continue on another path he chose with another woman
I still 'love' him now as a person who had shared a big part of my life.
The father of my children. His cries and hurts if any, are now not for me to share and carry that's ok.
For my parents I remember the heartaches I gave them as a youth and the support they gave me and is still giving me now.
So a few criticisms here and there, I listen, I glean, I take with a pinch of salt and a smile, To thank God that, I still have my parents around to nag me =)
For my children Well, Will you ever give up on your children? Will you ever Stop loving them?
I was asked recently whether I would go for hypnosis, if it meant being able to forget / erase parts of my memories, parts that are painful parts that one would rather forget.
It's a legitimate question & worth pondering
If only there is a drug a potion something that would help me forget the pains the hurt either inflicted on me or by me
But how far does one go to erase one's memories?
How about those around you? Should they go through Hypnosis too?
My answer is
No
Hypnosis does not erase away the fact that something unpleasant happened a trust betrayed a love lost an opportunity lost.
We need to learn from the hurt the pain the setbacks and disappointments
Only in doing so can we learn from our mistakes and grow wiser become more forgiving at least more understanding in the fraility of human nature.
We have our loved ones to tough it out with us to ride through the storm so to speak
As painful as it is these memories need to stay as part of life experience.
This is the time more than ever to hang on hold close to your family and loved ones so that these lessons could be learnt together
It's not meant to be coped on one's own strength
For one will drown in despair, self-loathe and unforgiveness
Painful memories can be healed & we will become better persons because of it.
Name: charisMA Home: Singapore About Me: Mom of 2 amazing n different girls. Love to sing, act n help people, even if it's just with a smile. See my complete profile Earworm:
