| Sunday, September 04, 2005 |
| Blessings |
Why is it that the blessings I pray for on others tend to be realised, and the blessings I yearn and pray for my immediate family and myself don't seem to be heard at all!
I asked the Lord to bless the girls' father more, to bless him more, and materially, it seemed so. New flat, drives an Audi, moves on from job to job without so much as a hitch.
When I was told that before September is out, I will be out of the current part time job, I was actually happy for the company, as I knew my position is best fit for a man than a woman, a single mother at that.
Errr, yeah, I suppose that will mean I will be out of a job. Hmmm.
Don't get me wrong, I love blessing others. I delight in seeing others uplifted and encouraged. I feel blessed too when someone I prayed for have their prayers answered, like a dead knot loosened.
In the quieter moments though, I could not help but ask: how about the blessings I sought and prayed for? Was I asking too much? For better financial situation that would at least allow the option of tuition, music lessons for the girls? The slightly thicker wallet that would enable the girls to go for overseas trips with the school?
I am trusting that He has better plans for me, that He will provide one way or another, and that we will definitely see goodness and richness with our eyes. But at times like this, it is so hard Lord.
I am not holding up a fist in defiance to the sky. I am looking up with perplexity to the Lord. What, Lord is Your Plan? Thy Word is a Light unto My Path. Yes yes, and the light will only light up a step at a time. Can't see much.
In fact, it feels like I'm walking blindfolded, feeling my way, inching forward. Is that what walking in faith is? If that's what it is, then Lord I need a stronger dose of faith. Honest, You see? I'm not just scared of walking blindfolded, I am scared that part of my path is actually slippery thin ice as well. |
posted by charisMA @ 4:35 PM  |
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