Been slacking recently. the office is officially closed, although i still have stuff to tidy up, admin, reports and so on. anyway, not really on it proper, just plain lazy i guess.
come January, i'll be going to Tung Ling. a time to reflect, a time to seek the Lord's will, a time to encounter God.
i like that. i really like that.
the girls will either be staying with their dad or staying at home. might even be staying at someone's place. whichever it may be, i'm ok with it. i'm not as anxious about it as i thought i would be.
after all, if He opened the door for me to go to Tung Ling, He would settle these details that He knows will concern me. Besides, He is their Heavenly Father, so He will care for them and provide for them much more than I do.
It's gonna be great, i can feel it in me. this is an exciting time.
a time for new things, a time for change,
a time for re-organising, as Andrew said.
a time for soaring to great heights, i believe.
Christmas was different this year. We have the pre-Christmas party as usual. Their dad came, different group of friends (and their friends) came.
some were plastered before reaching our place.
spent Christmas at Alastair's. well at least we were not having lunch with guys i was trying to get to know, like the 2 previous years. even got to know Alastair's extended family. kinda remind me of the family in LA. Man i miss them.
Whew! What a time it has been. It's been over one week that the Angel Tree "D' Day, as I called it, took place. What happened is nothing short of a miracle... okok, it might be too cliche to say that.... Hmmmm... what can we do but praise God for the glory of His grace?
Picture this - Friday 9 Dec. We still have large holes of area where there is no volunteers to deliver to the families, let alone churches adopting them. Wed 14 is the day... 5 days away... Last check on the account on the day before.....Less than $1,000 raised.
AI & ML decided to go shop - in faith that all the families will have people to deliver to, and money will come in.
Saturday we met and had long discussions. I felt totally utterly useless. 4 days away, how are the funds gonna come in? AI had been rallying around, so she was getting money everywhere she went. I was asking God to just open up the pockets of donors / sponsors and open up the hearts of the families. I didn't really know what else to pray.
Shared about the work at Vineyard. Hoping that it might move a few people to either adopt families or donate, whatever... I felt like I was grasping at straws. Response was fast and good. I was touched. Thank you dear brothers and sisters, and more importantly, thank you, God.
Monday and Tuesday I went to LKBC to o/see the packing as well as still trying to call people. To cut the long story short, not much goods arrived on Monday, yet there were so much donation it was amazing... the team that did the packing? absolutely wonderful... Ford General Motors would have been proud at their efficiency Tuesday, with still more than 500 hampers to pack and deliveries not yet on site at 11.30, I was really frustrated and concerned. well... i needn't be... you see, God will send His angels to help with His work as and when necessary.
5.30 pm, Tuesday, our packing angels have done up all, yes ALL hampers, and were cutting up the card board boxes and taking them out for disposal. I stayed on, and worked on with AItill nearly 12. My young 'un was getting so tired and frustrated at not being able to get home though physically things are already done.
It was frustrating too as I found out that some of the things I matched were undone. Things that I previously took time to separate out is no longer needed and i have to re-sort according to the initial stage... All that work - now totally unnecessary, much time wasted.
worse, the presence of the girls, a comfort to me, was somehow seen as a hindrance. when young 'un called to ask us to hurry home, she was viewed as having a nagging spirit, which really really pissed me off by then.
Can't raise funds, can't get churches, can't get volunteers, can't even stop my daughter from calling me and hurrying me. man what am I good at?
I went crying in the cab all the way home.
Wed, Dec 14. Having hardly an hour's sleep, I went to office to type out the database for printing. went to peace centre to collect the FAQ and stuff... then went to the church. the girls on my advice, decided to stay away.
When i went to church AI was there by then. Still sore from the night before, I was even more upset when I realised they had not thought of my lunch. By God's grace, lunch was brought in by a faithful angel. and No. 1 actually went to buy me some snacks and had No. 2 bring them to me and stay with me after that. Bless their hearts.
All the anger and resentment was coming to a head and I really needed God to cover me with His mercy and grace. and He did... throughout the afternoon, angels were popping up left and right to help. People were coming in to bring cheques, donations... God is really really good.
Now, for something truly amazing.....
We were swamped with the number of people turning up for the wednesday briefing..... towards the end of the evening, I realised that we have no more families to allocate to some volunteers who had not confirmed their participation....
All our families have been taken up by churches, volunteers....
As some were not at the briefing we brought the remainder of the hampers back to the office. We have a new conference room and so started filling up the floorspace....right up to the door. and the packing was complete. just like Noah's ark, measurement just right for all to go in.
Isn't God good? His provision just blows you over. If only you trust in Him and let Him have the agenda.
I have always tried to fit in with my skills and acquired experience.
God has taught me that God's project, done God's way, never lacks God's supply.
I should not be trying to fit in with my skills, I should be letting God use me as He sees fit.
I should be fitting into God's plan with God mode, not I-mode.... regardless of the fact that i-mode (pun) are supposed to be popular with cell phone users....
Praise God for allowing us to see and praise the glory of His grace.
Been busy with Angel Tree, the most full time thing I've done for a long time. Seeing God working in miraculous ways. Indeed, God's work, done God's way, never lack God's supply. I have seen churches coming to take up more and more families to visit. Donations are coming in nicely.
Then why do I feel such a failure. Yes I do.... All the time. I was told God will use this work to bring me to great heights, yes I have to work, but that's ok. I have to change, that's ok too. whatever makes Him happy. But some how I am feeling very vulnerable, very out of control... as in... everything is falling apart and I can do nothing to salvage, to repair...
My daughters are.... very far away from me. No. 1 holds onto her phone to ask what I wanted to speak to her about.... I actually came to her room to wanna chat, to touch base. I reacted badly... I felt so rejected, so.... "left-over".
Now I have a slight inkling of what God feels when we have no time for Him, for Quiet Time, for a quick prayer.
I sense a wall building up between us, she and i. and it hurts. she doesn't need me anymore... worse, she doesn't want me anymore. so long as i am able to pay for her expenses, her phone bills, let her use the computer, dun nag her, it's ok...
She goes into her room as we return home. stays in that room for best part of the day... coming out only to eat, oh.... and to take the cordless into her room, until the bat dies and she has to return it to the cradle to recharge.
sometimes she sleeps without coming out to say goodnight. sometimes i get mad cuz she's all holed up in her room and she could have tidied up the house, the room, put things away in the kitchen... sometimes she argues with her younger sis because No. 2 nags... sometimes she's totally oblivious to our existence.... sometimes i have to remind her about her dignity, as a girl, as a young woman a princess in God's kingdom but i can tell she's blanked over as soon the topic involved allowing boys, any boys into the bedroom.
"eweoooooooo... there she goes again.... nag nag nag... I need help, get me out... can't wait till i grow up and have my own place to live and i can get my mom outta my hair"
I could see it written all over her face.... she'd shut up and not talk to me... punishment forme, interfering with her life..
man... things happen in rooms, half-closed doors... "i trust people, it's the devil inside that i dun trust" (from the movie - The Italian Job) some sense there.
the devil doesn't need to be dragged in on this one. just a simple desire to express one's love will lead to a whole realm of temptations.
i know, trust me... i've been there. so why allow for opportunities like that to 'train' ourselves to resist temptations? Flee from it! (sigh!)
suddenly she's able to contact daddy and be going out with him more often
yeah, guess it's better that way. she needs the space.
No. 2 has her mysterious giggles and laughs. won't share the joke, like she's holding out on me or sth. she's been chatting on line a lot more.... sometimes sharing with me about what Jie did to her, most of the time, when it comes to that, No. 2 doesn't say much, for fear that her sis calls her a snitch. she loves her sister, and tries to accept new members into the extending family. but jie just saw her as a waste of space, and is nice to her if she is nice to the boyfriend.
understandable i guess, but conditional nonetheless.
No. 2 has been helping with angel tree, so did jie and boyfriend actually, appreciate their help. No. 2 has been coming to the office to help typing in data too, so i guess household chores should be excused?
but.... what was she giggling about last night that she won't tell me?
Name: charisMA Home: Singapore About Me: Mom of 2 amazing n different girls. Love to sing, act n help people, even if it's just with a smile. See my complete profile Earworm:
